Racial Gaslighting and How to Respond

Racism affects people of colour in many ways, including their mental and emotional well-being. One of the ways that racism can harm people of color is through racial gaslighting. In this article, I define what racial gaslighting is, provide examples, and offer tips on how to respond to it.

What is Racial Gaslighting?

Racial gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation that denies, questions, or minimises the experiences of people of color and their perceptions of racism. It can make people of color feel like they are exaggerating, overly sensitive, or even crazy. The term "gaslighting" comes from a play and subsequent film called Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she's going insane. If left unchecked racial gaslighting can contribute to mental health issues such as depression, low self-esteem, isolation, and anxiety steming from feelings of shame, invalidation and unsafety.

Examples of Racial Gaslighting

“It was just a joke, don’t be so sensitive,” or “keep your voice down”. Tone policing or telling a person of color that they are being too sensitive or overreacting when they express their feelings of being discriminated against or marginalised.

“I don’t see colour,” or “I do not think they were being racist. I think…” Denying that racism exists and saying that people of color are just being "too politically correct" or "playing the race card."

“We have all experienced discrimination.” A white person Insisting that they understand what it's like to experience racism because they have experienced discrimination in some other form (e.g., being harassed or bullied).

“Are you sure that really happened?” Telling a person of color that they are not "really" Black/Latino/Asian/etc. because they don't fit their stereotype of what that race or ethnicity is supposed to look or act like.

“At least you have a job here, you should be grateful.” Telling a person of color that they are "lucky" to be in “this country” and that they should be grateful for the opportunities they have here, despite the challenges they may face due to racism.

Silence. Silence in the face of racial discrimination can contribute to gaslighting because it invalidates the experiences and feelings of the person who is being discriminated against. Silence can also send the message that the discriminatory behavior is acceptable or that the person experiencing it is not worthy of support or protection.

How to Respond to Racial Gaslighting

If you experience racial gaslighting, here are some tips on how to respond:

Trust your experiences: Remember that your experiences are valid and real, and don't let anyone dismiss or minimise them.

Speak up: Call out the gaslighting behavior and explain how it makes you feel. Use "I" statements to describe how you feel, rather than accusing the person of being racist.

Educate: If the person seems open to learning, and you have the energy; you can explain why their comments or behavior are hurtful and how they contribute to systemic racism.

Set boundaries: If the person continues to gaslight you despite your attempts to educate them, setting boundaries or even cutting ties with them may be necessary.

Seek support: Talk to friends, family members, or a therapist who can provide validation and support as you navigate the emotional toll of racial gaslighting.

Validating Someone's Racist Experience

Have you ever gaslighted someone? When someone shares their racist experience, it's important to respond with validation and empathy. Here are some examples of how to respond with validation:

"I'm so sorry that happened to you. That must have been incredibly hurtful and frustrating."

"Thank you for sharing your experience with me. I can't imagine how difficult it must have been to go through that."

“I am sorry I expressed myself in that way.”

"I believe you, and I'm here to support you in any way I can."

“Sorry, I should have known better. How can I do differently?”

"It's not okay that you had to go through that. You deserve to feel safe and respected in all situations."

"Your experience is a powerful reminder that we still have a lot of work to do, to address racism and discrimination."

"I can't pretend to understand exactly how you feel, but please know that I'm here to listen and learn."

"I appreciate you sharing this with me, and I want to be an ally in the fight against racism."

"I'm here to support you and stand with you in the face of any racism or discrimination you may encounter."

“I noticed what happened, and that was not ok. I’m here if you want to talk about it”.

Understand that it takes energy and courage to be both the one who encounters racism and the one speaking up about it. So a simple act of compassion, validation, or support that demonstrate allyship in fighting racism, can mean tremendously to that person.

References

https://guides.libraries.uc.edu/racialjusticeresources/racialgaslighting

Oxford English Dictionary. Retrieved 2 March 2023. Gaslight